This may come as a surprise to some of you, while others have been aware of my being alive for some time.
I turned 41 this year. I just moments ago said the words, "I can't wait until we buy those diabetes socks." every word dripping with ecstasy. My fiancé replied, "We're going to be sooooooo comfortable."
I had my annual check-up today, 3 years late. My weight yo-yos, but this doctor's visit was like most of my doctor's visit - everything's fine, I'm just a fat disgusting whore. I celebrated this epiphany with a kielbasa and some fried perogies (We split an order. I'm not a complete monster.)
My job continues to deteriorate along with my mental health. I wonder if the two are connected?
Also: Did you know there is a Kraven the Hunter movie coming out? Me either. No one cares. Nobody wants to see that movie. Sony, please stop making movies with the dregs of the Spiderman IP. It's embarrassing. That being said, Aaron Johnson is disgustingly hot. Still won't see it.
For the love of God, no more Venom rom-coms. No more z-list villains made into solo antiheroes. Not everyone has to be an antihero (unless you're Taylor Swift). No more Spiderverse movies without Spiderman. No one is Kraven these movies. OH!
Just give me the all the money you spent on Morbius and Kraven. I need it for diabetes socks.
I get older and I become more afraid of my own body. I'm like, "What's this spot? What's this bump? Is that supposed to be that color?" My body is trying to kill me, probably. I like to wake up at 3AM and Google pictures of basal cell carcinomas, like ya' do. I sort of have to spook myself into making doctor's appointments. I have no explanations, only instincts. And poo brain.
We meditated together today. We're that couple, and I'm okay with that because we are working on our shit and I think that's pretty fucking cool. If I wasn't us, I would hate us. Isn't that funny? Is that even a sentence? You wake up next to a person enough times and you start to wonder if they're real. I love him so much and I can't believe how lucky I am to have him in my life. Loving anyone makes life a lot scarier. The stakes are high.
I would like to be clear that I don't have diabetes. I just want those loose-fitting socks. All my socks feel like nooses on my ankles. I don't have to explain myself to you.
Things I'm looking forward to (All movies):
Deadpool & Wolverine
Beetlejuice Beetlejuice
Wicked
Alien: Romulus
BTW the pierogies were bangin' and that grilled kielbasa was smoky and luxurious. #SausageEnthusiast
So now I have to lose some weight, try not to go crazy (fingers crossed!) and begin the Great Sock Purge of 2024 when my diabetes socks get here and I throw out all of my fabulous socks that strangle my ankles.
And now a haiku:
Your world is a lie
Hamburgers and bacon fries
Bury me with cash
That seems to be all for now. Thank you for joining me. Until next time.
