I won't be talking about coronavirus, mmk

 Instead, we will make up backstories for some Lego Friends sets. That's more fun than coronavirus.

Andrea has been alone in the woods for days, surviving on marshmallows and boiled creek water. The map is no good; the forest keeps changing. The squirrel knows something. It watches her, always watching from the stump where the yellow flowers grow. She uses the flash on her camera to keep the shadows away. Maybe it's the roses that draw them in. Maybe it's the smell of burning marshmallows. Maybe it's the Squirrel.

Stephanie and Olivia are in their own personal Hell. In this Hell, Stephanie and Olivia are forced to go food shopping and fight over the solitary items available in this surreal, half-outdoor grocery store that only has one of everything. Stephanie wants the banana, but Olivia got there first. Stephanie gets desperate and offers her a lemon ice pop in exchange. Olivia just stares at her and continues shopping. Nobody wants your lemon ice pop, Stephanie.

Who will end up with the croissant? Will Olivia get the apple and  the carrot on a clean sweep through the milkshakes, leaving Stephanie forever bargaining with her frozen lemony shame?

There is the pink jeep, of course, but it won't start if you try. Anyway, you wouldn't make it that far. There is neither a register nor a cashier. So you put everything back and start shopping again.

She always gets that banana first though. And you always have that lemon ice pop. Did you come in with it? You can't remember, so you just keep shopping.

Having escaped the clutches of the Squirrel Lord and his shadow creepers, Andrea throws a party and invites all of her Elder-God-possessed animal friends, She'vrlgrol the Purple Parakeet of Gaping Hunger and Wizvjinoth the Bunny Rabbit of the Profane Order of Shrieking Anguish. The cake, made of the spectral remains of the Squirrel Lord, would be fed to the neighborhood children, rendering them under control of the Dread Sorceress Andrea, Scourge of the Multiverse, Bringer of Pain, Mistress of Chaos. With them, she will start an army and conquer the Universe. Woeful be her reign! Also, Karaoke!

Party hats will be provided, as well as your choice of goblets of blood or the house special, Lavender Elixir of Abomination. One admission ticket gets you a slice of spectral remains cake and one drink ticket. In lieu of gifts, please make all ritual sacrifices in the name of the Elder Gods, forever shall they reign. All hail Sorceress Andrea! All hail the Creeping Chaos!

Stephanie is grooming her newborn lamb. The lamb's mother, Sweet Sally, was the blue-ribbon winner two years running at the Cayuga County fair. Sweet Sally disappeared one night after bright lights in the sky woke up the whole household. By the time Stephanie and her Aunt Verna got out to the barn, Sweet Sally was gone. In her place, was the newborn. The thing was, Sweet Sally was only just pregnant and wasn't due for another 4 months. Yet here was this fully formed and conscious lamb, completely clean and calm. It bleated and Stephanie immediately fell in love with it.

"What should we name her?" asked Aunt Verna.

"Her name is Lula Mae." replied Stephanie.

Peculiar. Stephanie had a twin sister named Lula Mae, but there's no way she could know anything about that. After the accident, her Aunt Verna and Uncle Jamie took her in. She had no recollection of it, thank God; she was too young and suffered a terrible head injury. They buried her parents and sister and hid all traces of Lula Mae. It was Lula Mae's power that caused the accident, after all. Verna had warned her sister about that girl, but she wouldn't hear it.

"Where did you hear that name?"

"She told me, Aunt Verna. The lamb told me."

Since that day, Stephanie brushes Lula Mae every morning and sings to her. The lamb only bleats for her. Aunt Verna doesn't like the lamb. Whenever she goes into the back yard but especially if she gets close to the barn, she swears she can hear chattering. It gets louder the closer she gets, but when she gets inside the chattering stops and it is just Lula Mae staring blankly at her. It makes her uneasy and she wishes the lamb would go away or at least make its intentions known.

Verna was no stranger to the arcane ways, descending from a long line of prestigious geomancers and hedge witches. The same blood flowed through Stephanie's veins, the same power Lula Mae had. Whatever this thing was, even if it was somehow Lula Mae, it was dark-sided; this much was clear to Verna. The idea of something literally being in sheep's clothing didn't escape her and she hmmphf-ed to herself as she thumbed through her ritual tome. She would need to summon all her strength and send a call through the earth itself for reinforcements from the other tribes. Lula Mae's dark magic was only just beginning to manifest. This fight could not be won alone.

Spectral Garage

"I don't remember that rotten garage being there before," said David, peering at a dilapidated old stone-and-mortar garage that sat on a hill in the distance.

"It's the Mandela Effect," said Dane without looking up. He was otherwise engaged with repairing his harpoon gun.

"No, I mean it wasn't there a few minutes ago and now it's there. I don't know if that qualifies as the Mandela Effect. And for the record, Nelson Mandela died in 2013, not the 80's."

Dane locked a harpoon into the muzzle of his cannon and fired it into the trunk of a maple tree behind David.

"That's what they want you to think." he said.

David rolled his eyes. "How long has Dylan been gone?" he asked.

"Coupla hours."

David snapped his fingers, summoning his grimoire. The eldritch tome appeared suddenly, floating in front of him. It opened and the pages started to turn themselves rapidly before stopping on an entry entitled Spectral Garages. He read aloud:

"Spectral garages and other menacingly out-of-place buildings are a rare occurrence in the Shift. Though most spectral garages are perfectly benign, one should always proceed with caution as they are occasionally portals to pocket dimensions or storage facilities for unsavory characters. Usually, if you wait long enough they disappear."

Dane sucked his teeth. "You love that book."

The book closed and vanished instantly.

The bushes rustled and Dylan emerged, covered in purple slime. Dane, who a millisecond earlier had been pointing his two sidearms at those same bushes lowered his weapons and laughed uncontrollably.

Dylan's eyes narrowed. He always did this when he felt some kind of way. This earned him the nickname Squintin Tarantino.

"What happened? What is that?" asked David.

Dane continued to laugh.

"Stepped on a caco-fairy nest on my way back. Apparently they explode when electrocuted." Dylan said, squinting at Dane who was now on the ground cackling.

"Looks like Barney bukakke to me," said Dane, grinning madly as he got to his feet, dusting himself off.

David raised his hand, his eyes clouding over, "Purifico!" A small flash, and the slime was gone.

"Thanks, bro." said Dylan.

"Did you find it?" asked David.

Dylan reached into his pack and pulled out something wrapped in rags and handed it to him.

"Wasn't cheap. She wanted twice what we were offering."

David carefully unwrapped the item while Dane and Dylan looked on. Inside the tattered rags was a small wooden sphere. It was a rich mahogany color and covered in etched arcane symbols. This was what they had been looking for.

"How did you get it? I sent you with everything we had."

Dylan seemed distracted by something in the distance. "Uh, guys?"

David and Dane turned around. The spectral garage was gone. In it's place was an inexplicable creature the size of a school bus. It appeared to be composed almost completely of tentacles and a massive solitary eye. It let out a shrill shriek that reverberated through the forest, shaking the leaves above them. Though it had no mouth to speak of, it almost certainly meant to devour them.

(To be continued...)